[UA] Re: Weekend baptists

[Greg Stolze]

I was thinking about the practical angles of drowning a freaking COW in the
local YMCA swimming pool, and a couple repulsive issues immediately came to
mind.

1) That cow's gonna crap all over the pool in its death throes.  Unless
Willie cleans it up thoroughly, which is probably a job taking hours and
hours, people will eventually notice.  Furthermore, elephant walk and
similar hazing aside, who joins a social group whose primary bonding action
is to dive into a pool full of cow feces?

There's a solution, however.  You have to prep the cow (or dog or other
animal).  I'm guessing that if you cut off its food for a 3+ days -- maybe
longer for a cow, it's got all those spare stomachs -- and dose it with
drugs that loosen the stools and cause convulsive instestinal action.  (I
think there's something along those lines with the brand name "Evenflo".  I
kid you not.)

This has the advantage of giving you a clue trail.  Area pharmacists are
eventually going to remember the guy who is, over the course of a year,
buying GALLONS of this stuff (or its over-the-counter equivalent),
especially if he's furtive and creepy like the typical adept.

2) Man, lifting a 40 pound kid out of a pool is hard work, especially if
he's dead weight.  How much does a dead COW weigh?  How are they getting it
out of the water and then out of the building?  Starving the cow for a
while beforehand might mitigate the problem (and add an ASPCA angle to the
whole thing) but still.  Evidence trail.

-G.

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