[UA] crap or get off the pot- musings on a new school

[Benjamin Lee]

So the other day, I walk away from the tv, the fussing
dogs, the chaos of last-minute wedding planning, and
my future Mrs. Bailywolf and enter the only private
and peaceful sanctum I know- the bathroom.

I bring my copy of PoMoMa, and enjoy a good fifteen
minutes of peace and meditation.

And it hits me- a school of magic based on taking a
crap.

Bathroom time as postmodern meditation- the real Zen
and the Art of Going to the Bathroom.

Through the ritualized act of excreting waste in peace
and silence, you escape worry, clarify thoughts, and
transcend worldly concenrs.  The act of pooping
becomes the true abandomnent of desire.  In dropping
trow and popping out a floater, you touch the face of
God.

By examiing the shape and consistency of the excreta
and the number and vigor of your wipes, you can divine
insight into the greater world.  By watching the
action of the flush, you can read the course of future
events as you symbolically abandon the impure flesh
and open yourself to the true nature reality.

The paradox?  Despite your nigh-cosmic insights, you
are still sitting on the crapper getting piles and
breathing the smell of your own poop.  Your escape
from the limitations of the flesh last only as long as
your bowles stay empty- your taste of Nirvana fades as
your digestive system turns Twinkies into more you and
the rest into poo.  You may know the future, but the
insight is only worht the shit you read it from.








Perhaps I'm nuts, but I think this bloke is going to
become on of my regular NPC'.





-B




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