[UA] Turnaround

[John C]

(The following is by Warren Ellis, from his BAD SIGNAL e-mail newsletter.  
It struck me as being very UA-able.

John C)

Turnaround is a writing exercise I
use to warm up for certain kinds of
jobs.  TRANSMET is full of them.   It's
simple.  Pick a real-world news story
and stand it on its head.

Guy walks into a video rental store
and says: "I'd like some more of the
baby snuff porn,  please."

See, in Utah, there are these dingbats
who illegally cut Hollywood movies into
"family-friendly" form.  Lawsuit's
going on right now.

"Excuse me, sir?"

"Well, obviously, they're not real
babies.  You can see they're dolls.
But still.  It's very good.  Do you have
more?"

The video store clerk discovers, with
rising horror, that every movie in
the store has been replaced with a
recut version featuring faked baby
snuff porn.

"It's funny, but, as gifted an actress
as she is, I never imagined Meryl
Streep would work so well in a baby
snuff porn movie."

In BEACHES, Bette Midler, a strap-on
added digitally, hunches over a toy
baby smeared with tomato ketchup.

"And it has to be said, U.S. MARSHALS
is a much better movie with the baby
snuff porn."

Overnight, someone has replaced all
the movies in the store.  The in-store
TV screen shows Gwyneth Paltrow in
SHAKESPEARE IN LOVE, brushing her
teeth with a plastic baby arm.

The video store clerk is alone in the
store.  Looks around frantically.
Walls of video sleeves loom, each one
an appalling cultural bomb of disgusting
potential.

"Um... how many would you like to
rent, sir?"

Try it.  Subvert your own instincts
about realism and fiction.  It's
analogous to the cut-up technique --
it lets the future leak in a little.

But for Christ's sake don't send them
to me.  I get into enough trouble with
this as it is.

-- W


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