[UA] Dipso Artifacts

[Alex Duncan]

I've been thinking about dipsomancers and artifacts.

Given the way dipsos gain and lose charges, it seems like they would
want to make lots and lots of minor, one-shot or limited-use artifacts
as backups for when they got caught sober.  Whenever they end a night's
activities with charges left over, I see them cranking out a bunch of
talismans with shots of Li'l Whammy and Moment of Truth just before they
crash.

Of course, it can't really be that easy.  For one thing, it would throw
the game balance way off. For another thing, you'd read about Dirk Allen
doing it, which you don't.  I figure there's either something about
Dipsomancy that makes it hard or impossible to create artifacts with it,
or else creating even minor artifacts requires sitting around for a
whole day doing nothing else, so no "pour all your spare charges into
mojo bags just before you sober up" stunt.  And if you try to make too
many artifacts in that one day, the accumulated drunk penalty means
you're very likely to blow your skill roll for some necessary ritual
action.

Has anyone run up against these kinds of considerations in play?

Anyway, here's a handful of Dipsomantic artifacts I came up with.

-- Charmed Pub Darts (minor, one use) --
These are ordinary pub darts with sharp steel points, wooden shafts and
feather flights; the flights have eyes drawn on them in magic marker.
Each is enchanted with a single targeted shot of Li'l Whammy:  kiss it
just before you throw it, and it's guaranteed to hit your target square
in the eye, assuming it has an eye.  Good for self-defense or for a
guaranteed score of 50!  The guy who makes these is trying to come up
with a different version that will hit either the triple-twenty spot on
a dartboard or a numerologically equivalent sensitive spot on a person's
anatomy, but so far, the mojo hasn't been cooperating.

-- Pull-tab of fate (minor, one use) --
Pull-tab games are basically privately run lotteries; you buy a little
cardboard ticket and pull off perforated tabs to reveal slot-machine
symbols which dictate your winnings.  They're popular in bars in
Washington state.  (Apparently, in some other states, they're
practically unheard of, hence the explanation.)  This artifact is a
stolen pull-tab card, ritually defaced with cabbalistic-looking figures.
When you open the tabs, the slot-machine combination revealed gives you
a reading on the current state of your luck (and therefore a Hunch).

-- Loteria del Borracho (significant, multi-use) --
This enchanted deck of Spanish Lotto cards can be used for divinatory
purposes by anyone.  Lay out the cards according to any system, or no
system-- as long as you approach them with an important personal
question in mind, the iconic images on the card will suggest the correct
answer to you.  This is an effect similar to, but a bit different than,
Now I See.  The cards cannot predict the future, but can reveal hidden
aspects of the present and point out likely consequences of future
actions.  While the deck still has charges, the first card drawn in any
serious inquiry will be El Borracho as a sign that the magick is
working.  Once the magick has been exhausted, there is only a one in
fifty-four chance of drawing El Borracho first...  Scans of the cards
are at http://www.lachicamanga.net/loteria/ (Standard deck is 108 cards
with 2 of each image).

-- The Flagon with the Dragon and the Vessel with the Pestle (major,
permanent) --
These are the actual goblets used in the Danny Kaye film
_The_Court_Jester_.  In addition to being significant vessels for
Dipsomantic purposes, they have been enchanted as artifacts with the
following properties.

The Flagon with the Dragon can be made to imbue its contents with a
magical poison, by swirling it counterclockwise while saying "The pellet
with the poison's in the flagon with the dragon."  Swirling more or less
vigorously can yield a weak poison (make a body roll or suffer a -20%
shift to everything for 3 hours, and take the lower die as damage in
either case), a moderately strong poison (make a body roll or be
delerious and incapacitated for 12 hours, and take the sum of the dice
in damage in either case), or a deadly poison (take d100 damage, and
stay in a coma for 48 hours even if you survive).  No ordinary means can
detect the poison either in the drink or in the victim, though the
damage is real and can be medically treated.  The poison can be
countered or detected by magick, and anyone who suspiciously sniffs at
or tastes the drink will notice something vaguely "funny" if they can
make a Soul roll over 30%.  If decanted from the Flagon, the drink will
remain poisonous for up to an hour.  Only alcoholic beverages can be
poisoned with this effect.

The Vessel with the Pestle can purge all poisons, disease-bearing
agents, curses, hostile spiritual entities, and drugs (_other_ than
alcohol, naturally) from its contents, if you swirl it three times
clockwise while saying "The vessel with the pestle holds the brew that
is true."  This can be used on a non-alcoholic drink; it will end up
weakly alcoholic.  It will only work on a bona-fide beverage; you can't
use this to make turpentine potable.

The word is that these two cups are still in the possession of the two
dukes who stole them from Paramount back in the 70's.  They used to be a
couple of mostly harmless rogues and lifelong best pals, but after
stealing and enchanting the goblets, they had a falling out and went
their separate ways.  Twenty years later, they found themselves living
in the same town, and constantly at odds with one another in all their
various schemes, seemingly by blind chance.  Weirdest, though, is that
their personalities seem to have totally changed:  the guy with the
Vessel has become almost the stereotype of the weird but kindly old
storybook wizard, while the guy with the Flagon has become the
archetypal sneeringly arrogant and powermad sorcerer.  The word is that
they're both hiring...

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