[UA] Buddhist Self-mummification

[Joe Murphy (Broin)]

Terrific show on UK tv tonight about Buddhist self-mummification. Yes,
_self-mummification_. It's not the same as the bandage-wrapped kind you'd be
familiar with, but is more an attempt to embalm oneself before dying. It was
wonderfully gruesome, prime-time tv, and put me right off my tortellini.

So, you're a Buddhist, and a member of a sect that believes you can get
super-holy in Just One Lifetime. Here's how:

First of all, you trim your diet down to nuts and seeds, and stick to that
for a thousand days. You exercise constantly (bathe under a waterfall, run
up mountains, etc). This is a very good way to lose weight.

For the next thousand days, you eat just pine bark and sap. This acts as a
preservative. Say goodbye to excess moisture, which would assist decay. You
also meditate and chant constantly, and take almost no exercise. This'll
help you remain focused on the task and help your muscles atrophy.

Just before stage three, you drink a tea made from the local water, which is
saturated with arsenic. That'll take care of any maggots, and what remains
of the bacteria in your gut.

And then you sit cross-legged at the bottom of a deep pit. You chant
constantly, and every day, you ring a little bell. When the people outside
no longer hear the bell, they put a lid over the pit. One guy lasted 14
days.

A thousand days later, they open the pit and see how successful you were. If
you followed everything to the letter, you'll have dried out almost
completely, locked in the lotus position for the next few hundred years. If
you fail, they put the lid back on - no worship for you.

As a bonus, the local Buddhists will change your robes every 12 years (the
old robes are sold, thread by thread, to visitors). Expect tourists, too.

There's a pic or two here, but I'm sure more could be Googled:

http://www.channel4.com/history/

Joe.

PS: For those tempted to try this out, it's now an illegal practice.

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