[UA] More news of Satan in Inglis

[David M Jacobs]

At 06:30 PM 15/03/02 -0800, Royal Minister of Stuff wrote:

>--- Kevin Elmore <kelmore at rocketmail.com> wrote:
> >
> > Sometimes artifacts could be stolen because of some mystical 
> connection.  Other times, they're stolen because of some stoned kids 
> looking for something to do.
>
>Sometimes they're both.  Like the time, in high school, we stole every 
>realtor sign in a ten block radius, two coke machines and an advertising 
>mascot which we then arranged neatly on a friend's lawn.  I forget why and 
>I don't recall drinking or smoking anything contraband beforehand.

Every year, the National Union of Students (the highest forum for student 
politics in Australia) holds its national conference in Victoria.  There 
are usually between 20-30 different factions involved (depending on how 
late in the week it is) and things can get pretty heated; assaults, a rape 
or two and even a bombing have occurred during the conference.

I was there in 1996 as a member of a small faction, numbering a dozen or so 
delegates from SA and NSW.  When you register on the first day, you're 
given a five-inch-thick pile of booklets, which contain policy to be 
debated at the conference.  Each delegate in our faction was tasked with 
going through one or two of these booklets and summarizing each policy and 
how the faction should vote on it.

Given that the larger factions usually keep their numbers off the 
conference floor until they feel like it, quorum isn't usually reached 
until the early evening; technically, proceedings get underway at 9am, but 
nothing can be done until quorum is reached.  Consequently, we had a lot of 
time to loiter in our caucus room, but given the sheer bulk of policy that 
each delegate had to go through, we could only afford two hours sleep a 
day.  We were rostered on in groups of three, so as to make ourselves a 
less inviting target whilst walking between our caucus room and our bungalow.

One night, as I and a couple of others went to the bungalow, we decided 
that two hours sleep wasn't worth the hassle; we'd get drunk instead.  The 
cleaners at the uni were notorious for leaving the front doors of bungalows 
open after they'd cleaned them, and everyone else at the conference were in 
their caucus rooms near the conference floor.  So, spirit-addled as we 
were, we hatched a plot...

We'd noticed that many other delegates were as sleep-deprived as we were, 
but figured that they were probably more affected by it; after all, both my 
co-conspirators were in the army reserve, and I was notorious for my 
ability to withstand long periods of sleep deprivation.  It was obvious 
that caffeine fueled the other factions, so we went into every bungalow and 
stole every kettle we could find (about 30 in all) and hid them in various 
places around the campus.

Months later, kettles were still being found in the strangest places: 30 
feet up trees, floating in the duck pond, buried in the carpark, in disused 
storerooms, etc.  For the next couple of NUS national conferences, 
delegates would reminisce about the strange night when their kettles went 
missing and scratch their heads in wonder.



David M Jacobs
dmjacobs at zipworld.com.au
http://www.zipworld.com.au/~dmjacobs/
ICQ UIN: 17027598

"'Kevin,' David interrupted, 'what the Germans should have done
was show the Russians a dead cat and ask them to explain it.'

"'That would have stopped the Soviet offensive right there,' I said.
"Zhukov would still be trying to account for the cat's death.'"

— from Valis, by Philip K Dick


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