[UA] Blair Witch 2

[Stuart Anderson]

Liam Astley wrote:
> 
> From: "Stuart Anderson" <stuartanderson at qwest.net>
> Subject: Re: [UA] Blair Witch 2
> 
> > It's a well-known axiom in filmic studies that no film yet
> > produced in the history of cinema could not have been
> > improved with Jackie Chan and/or a monkey.
> 
> hence most movie critics claiming Citizen Kane to be the greatest film ever
> made, chiefly due to the famous scene featuring Jackie Chan dressed up as a
> monkey

	I remember watching Orsen Wells on the Tonight Show
(guest-hosted by Robert Blake) complaining that Jackie Chan
had not been on the scene when he was making Kane. He
wandered wistfully, speculating about what kind of Hamlet he
would've been able to make with Chan in the lead. He
mentioned the last conversation he'd had with John Ford,
where he'd remarked that he'd been talking with Billy Wilder
about it, and they were agreed. Chan would've lit up the 40s
in ways we can only imagine.  Robert Blake then revealed
that the reason there'd been a cockateal on Beretta, rather
than a monkey, was the increasingly tight monkey budgets in
Hollywood. Then he tore into a drunken rant about how the
hell could BJ and the Bear afford a whole chimp, when he
couldn't even get a spider monkey? And that was in about 76. 
	Thankfully, Ted Turner's been reviewing his line of
criticism, and has agreed to rerelease a dozen MGM classics
under the "Monkey Business" banner, contracting with Pixar
to digitally introduce monkeys into _Nocturne_, with George
Raft and Ida Lupino, and _The Misfits_, Clark Gable and
Marilyn Monroe's final film, among others.  Asked about
Jackie Chan, he said that the technology was not yet in
place to convincingly render all of Jackie's signature
moves. However, when he feels that the time is right, he has
already agreed to rerelease _Donovan's Reef_ with Chan
digitally replacing Lee Marvin. What a wonderful time to be
alive.
--Stu

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